If you have conservative parents like mine, it is probably very difficult for you to tell them that you have a psychological problem. For a couple of years, I gently hinted that it would be good of me to see a therapist, but the continually said “there’s nothing wrong with you” and “that’s a waste of money”.
Last week, I had a breakdown in front of them and told them how I have been severely depressed for the past 5 months. Of course, they did not understand. Their idea of helping is “just get up and do something, you’ll feel better”. If you’re anything like me, you know that it does not work like that. I can go out all I want, but it’s hard for me to shake that uncomfortable dark hole of emptiness in my heart. They also said that if I go to a therapist, they will tell me the same exact thing. I had to explain the difference between and psychiatrist and a psychologist, how therapy works, and how our insurance covers a majority of costs.
They’ve been walking around me like they’re walking on eggshells and they keep forcing me to do things I don’t want to do, like run errands with them. Just to get out of the house. But that doesn’t take it off my mind. I don’t enjoy it, therefore it just makes me bored and more upset. What I do seem to enjoy is writing and reading. Those are escapes where I think about something else rather than how I feel and what I am.
I was getting better (ever so slightly) until later on this week. Not only did I find out that I was denied from a masters program that I was a shoe-in for (and not to mentioned over qualified), it was me and my ex-boyfriend’s would-be 2nd year anniversary. And the top of the cherry was that my blood work came out abnormal. Since my mother has a thyroid problem, she was concerned that my depression was due to my thyroid. I’ve exhibited multiple other symptoms, which made me go into the doctor’s office. I was apparently clean for anxiety and fatigue, but my TSH hormones were abnormal and they’ve been doing different tests for the past couple of days.
After all that news, the cycle started again and I started to have bouts of insomnia. One night I did have a great talk with a member on a forum. It was a good change to talk about things we are both passionate about, like history and religion, instead of going on watching Gossip Girl to make me feel better about my life.