Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.
If you have conservative parents like mine, it is probably very difficult for you to tell them that you have a psychological problem. For a couple of years, I gently hinted that it would be good of me to see a therapist, but the continually said “there’s nothing wrong with you” and “that’s a waste of money”.
Last week, I had a breakdown in front of them and told them how I have been severely depressed for the past 5 months. Of course, they did not understand. Their idea of helping is “just get up and do something, you’ll feel better”. If you’re anything like me, you know that it does not work like that. I can go out all I want, but it’s hard for me to shake that uncomfortable dark hole of emptiness in my heart. They also said that if I go to a therapist, they will tell me the same exact thing. I had to explain the difference between and psychiatrist and a psychologist, how therapy works, and how our insurance covers a majority of costs.
They’ve been walking around me like they’re walking on eggshells and they keep forcing me to do things I don’t want to do, like run errands with them. Just to get out of the house. But that doesn’t take it off my mind. I don’t enjoy it, therefore it just makes me bored and more upset. What I do seem to enjoy is writing and reading. Those are escapes where I think about something else rather than how I feel and what I am.
I was getting better (ever so slightly) until later on this week. Not only did I find out that I was denied from a masters program that I was a shoe-in for (and not to mentioned over qualified), it was me and my ex-boyfriend’s would-be 2nd year anniversary. And the top of the cherry was that my blood work came out abnormal. Since my mother has a thyroid problem, she was concerned that my depression was due to my thyroid. I’ve exhibited multiple other symptoms, which made me go into the doctor’s office. I was apparently clean for anxiety and fatigue, but my TSH hormones were abnormal and they’ve been doing different tests for the past couple of days.
After all that news, the cycle started again and I started to have bouts of insomnia. One night I did have a great talk with a member on a forum. It was a good change to talk about things we are both passionate about, like history and religion, instead of going on watching Gossip Girl to make me feel better about my life.
Self love is so important. Because when you’re all alone and it’s 3 in the morning and you’re lying on the floor crying and shaking and wishing it all would end, who’s going to be there for you? You. You have to pick yourself up and find the strength to carry on. At the end of the day, you’re all you’ve got.
It took me a long time
to realise that beauty,
is a healthy mind
is a healthy body
and nothing more.
I’m still working on it
but one day
I’ll look back and wonder
why I hated myself so much.
Good evening/afternoon fellow readers. It is late evening where I am at and I just came across a CNN article of Creed’s Scott Stapp and his bipolar disorder. I’ve talked about stigmatization and how people in the general population treat mental illness like leprosy. Places like CNN is why:
Stapp now has an explanation for that period of upheaval. The singer revealed to the magazine he’s been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The events of last year were related to substance abuse and mental illness.
“I had a psychotic break that was brought on by alcohol and drug abuse,” he said. “I was hallucinating. I drove around the United States for a month, following an angel that I saw on the hood of my car.”
They were not clear about what bipolar disorder is. They used words like “psychotic break” instead of defining it as mania and depression. Not to mention, they used words like “hallucinations” without clarifying that people with bipolar disorder do have have hallucinations. People who read this might automatically feel as if bipolar disorder is correlated with hallucinations, which is completely untrue. The DSM-5 criteria does not contain hallucinations within the diagnosis. The article should have defined what bipolar disorder is and how it is ruining his life. To clarify, they should have assessed what type of bipolar disorder it is. For example, the article mentioned that alcohol and drug abuse resulted in a psychotic break, so he could have a substance abuse bipolar disorder coupled with some psychotic symptoms (i.e. hallucinations).
This article did not properly address bipolar disorder and used the term interchangeably. There are so many types of bipolar disorders brought on by different characteristics. There are various symptoms that some people exhibit and others do not. The reason why there is so much stigma about mental illness is because people are ill informed. People tell half a story and leave out necessary aspects, because now people are going to have the impression that alcohol and drug abuse can result in bipolar disorder, as well as hallucinations.
Read the article here and let me know what you think in the comments below.